Thursday, September 3, 2009

well.

Wow. i haven't been on here in ages. My apologies.

So, tons of things in my life have changed. I'm becoming closer to my friends, and i'm having BEST FRIENDS again. Joshuah and i aren't together anymore. It was hard to do, harder to go through, but i feel better now. I loved him. There's no denying that.. but, i think he was just too serious, too much to handle, right now in my life. I'm a freshman, and high school absolutely sucked in the beginning, but it's finally starting to look up :)
Okay, here's the D.L on my love life. Me + Josh = Break up. But towards the end of that, (let's call him Z.) Made me realize how much fun a relationship could be- not planning a future together every moment. And even though i started dating Z right after Josh, deep down, i knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. But.. it was fun. It changed things up in my life and made me remember the free feeling i used to have all the time. Now i'm not like, a whore or anything. Or a player. And i don't jump from guy to guy every week. Just throwing that out there. But i think that dating should be fun. I don't think you should date for the sole purpose of finding "the one." I think you should date to find yourself; your likes, your dislikes, try new things, etc.. That's what i say. So. Z and i didn't last very long, mainly because we just didn't know each other very much. At all.
About a week after Z (i don't normally do this) my friend SPV, asked me out. This being the same guy that i had planned on dating last year before Josh ever came into the picture. I had the biggest crush on him, but.. i had been scared our friendship would be ruined if it didn't work out. So.. i never went for it. *fast forward through the josh stage* ANYWAYS> i said yes to SPV. And it's great. We're going to Homecoming together. We've been dating for almost a week, and i feel like I'm going slow in a relationship (which is how it should be) and really enjoying every moment of it. *** cue sigh of relief ***
Next. My friend, yelled at me after Josh and i broke it off. Some swearing language was involved, and it wasn't pretty. She claimed i always do this and that i should've contacted her during the summer more (she moved over the summer). All i can say is, a phone works 2 ways.

My schedule's been full, my classes have been long, but I've never been happier. Constantly going helps me function better, i don't deal well with being home a lot. It slows me down. At this rate with French Club, Synergy (show choir), Marching Band, and staying after school going back through last year's Algebra 1 content, I'm booked. Thank goodness.
Anyways, i got to go dye my hair. Possibly. *** psst: hopefully! ***

xoxo,
Aliella-
♥

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dreams- Nightmares.. etc.

It's so weird, but yet, addicting beyond any addiction.
Okay. Maybe there was a tad bit of exaggeration included in that, but still.
So today i was messing around on Facebook when a friend of mine popped up on chat. Of course, i responded- and we started talking about how interesting and such dreams were. (Mine always seem to be pretty jacked up. Hence the previous post on "Hitler.") Then, he had told me how his girlfriend had been having some weird dreams, so he'd been searching around for things about analyzing dreams, when he brought up www.dreammoods.com.
Knowing my past love for always trying to figure out what all the crazy things that happen in my dream life mean, I got on the site and started typing in key words of things that had happened or appeared in my dream.
(For instance, my last dream, i was & saw vampires, and for part of it i was held captive, and attacked. -weird, i know.) So i typed in Vampire, and later things about attacks and captive.
Every single thing i typed in that the website had an interpretation for, was crazy mind-boggling. All the interpretation's had an exact definition of things going on in my life, and how i was feeling- that were never exactly apparent to myself. I mean, i knew what struggles & stresses i had, and how i felt, but i never really knew the deeper meaning behind them..
So, all in all, aside from my crazy new addiction and the discovery that my sub conscience is a genius. I highly recommend this site if you ever have 3 things at hand.
1) a computer.
2) boredom. [or mild interest sparked from this blog]
&
3) an odd dream.

You may just discover some new things about yourself...
go for it :)

Always & forever,
Aliella...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

...and a barrel of sighs.

One: i don't know why the title i chose, is, well, the title i chose.
Two: I'm sighing quite a lot right now.
Three: I'm not quite sure what to think about life right now.

> Lately, I've had Marching Band Camp, which is totally exhausting, but so much fun! i loved it :) Also, my mother has a boyfriend. Weird, but true. And i met his 2 daughters the other day... and now, my dear sister is pregnant. Exciting ;]

I've realized, these last two weeks, I've been focused on band camp, and going to it, then later coming home. For the last 2 weeks, I've been genuinely almost carefree. Now that it's over?
Reality is setting back in.
My honest-to-blog bestie since birth? We're now.. good friends.. & family. And sadly, i think her "best friend" is turning her atheist.
My best friend for 3 years, moved away. I have no idea how she expected me and our other best friend to survive high school without her. But we're trying. I'm worried sick about her, though.
My ex, best friend. I can barely ever talk to him anymore without upsetting someone.

Obviously, i don't believe in just "one" best friend. Honestly, because I've never had one person that's always been there, that I've grown up with, that when we go to each other's houses, it's like going to our 2nd family's house. More in my life, i have someone who's my best friend, for every stage of my life.. sad, but true.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Future

Lately i've been thinking about what i want to be when i, well, grow up. I have so many things that i'd say i'm fairly okay at, but that i enjoy doing. Which in my opinion, a job is only a job the day you stop having fun with it. 
A person can only do so many things as a career, and soon, i'm going to have to decide what exactly i want to become, where exactly i want to go to college, what exactly i want to study, where i'm going to live, etc.. It's kind of exhausting trying to figure out all the details. But then again, i forget i always have to figure in what i want vs. what reality will actually throw at me.. So. I've been tossing around different ideal careers, trying to imagine me as one, contemplating on if i'm willing to dedicate my time during the day, doing exactly that career daily... Some i dwell on are:
- something in the medical field, more a doctor than nurse
- fashion designer
- writer
- make up artist
- something in music

etc... i don't know. I have diverse interests, and i don't know where the chips have fallen yet. 
Golly Moses.

Always,
Aliella

Saturday, June 13, 2009

This past week...

Lots and lots of drama went down. Surprise kisses, psycho ex's, and creepy stalkers. Makes you curious to hear the story... eh?

good. lol
I'm not telling though. 

OH. and i got some interesting news that shocked me last night. But all is well.. 
hmmm........ I'm exhausted. Work, work, working= gigantic pay check $$$ that i love. ♥ ♥ ♥

AH- mum's calling to head to the bank.

x♥x,
always,
aliella 

Friday, June 5, 2009

Summer job;;

Here we go. >


Imagine: A little teensy weensy yeller cabin. A miniature white pup.  Lots & lots of ginormous suitcases. and what do you have?

My current life.

So.. my summer job's underway. I'm kind of depressed since, well, i work at a church camp, so all my friends are coming this weekend to attend camp. While i get to clean and serve them. Joy. 
My boyfriend shall be there. My best friend/cousin. My BFFF&E/ex-boyfriend. And a whole lot of other people shall be here too. This should get interesting. Especially since i'm not single this summer. It feels kind of weird, i won't lie. 
sigh.


Oh, yeah. I just cut & colored my hair. lol I, personally, think i look better... but we'll see.
;]

Well.. the parental 'tis calling. 
*dread*
Any summer jobs?

Always,
Aliella..
x♥x

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dreams..

I'm not proud to say this, but say this, indeed, i will. The other night i had the most odd and disturbing dream about one of the world's most terrible leaders in the history of mankind. 


i had a dream about Adolph Hitler.

In it i was a Nazi. Strange and unbearable and the whole time i was one, i had the feeling that i didn't want to be but was being forced. I was one among many and we were inside a huge fortress built somewhat like a maze- at every turn of the corner, a more superior officer was there and we had to do the proper Nazi Salute. Throughout the dream, i was constantly in a panic- running to and fro trying to find friends of a certain Jewish nature. I had the strongest feeling that terrible things were in store for them and i was trying to save them. Eventually i came directly in front of Hitler himself, saluting him and getting the most nauseous feeling I've ever felt before, as i did so. Finally, as my rushing and running came to an end, i was standing face-to-face with my Jewish friends. Three in total, all in the poorest condition, and on their knees with soldiers behind and to the sides of them. As i started to say something to them, i realized i couldn't speak. I was speechless. One of them was crying; sobbing uncontrollably, another- eyes glazed over staring into a black abyss. One just simply looked back at me. Still with a lump in my throat and a couple tears in my eyes, i started to turn away to get more help. Somewhere, anything or anybody i could find to help me save my friends. As i turned, instantly. 
Shots rang in my ears.
One by one my friends were shot and i was terrified. I had no idea what to do, where to go, what to say, how to feel. I was virtually blank. And then..

i awoke.

any comments?

always,
Aliella..
x♥x

;;